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Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

#21067749
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35423) - you deserved it (16517)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by Cuntface McGee (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

#21069326
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50887) - you deserved it (6704)

On 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I awoke to the sound of a gunshot, followed by children screaming. I leapt out of bed and ran to my balcony, only to see people casually milling around the elementary school parking lot under a "Science Fair" banner. A kid's science experiment scared me shitless. FML

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

#21102110
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44246) - you deserved it (5397)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland

Today, I was telling my friends about a date I had recently that went badly, because the guy turned out to be a moron. I said the last straw was when I used the word "decipher" and was met with a blank stare. I was then met with more blank stares. FML

#21090611
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37900) - you deserved it (6361)

On 03/19/2014 at 2:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

#21093699
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44769) - you deserved it (5794)

On 03/22/2014 at 6:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

#21095019
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31696) - you deserved it (19946)

On 03/24/2014 at 8:39am - misc - by pantyripper (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML

#21092678
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45186) - you deserved it (3988)

On 03/21/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

#21100221
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43010) - you deserved it (3438)

On 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

#21099986
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44517) - you deserved it (6436)

On 03/30/2014 at 6:04am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

#21106207
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44512) - you deserved it (3294)

On 04/06/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

#21113687
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58332) - you deserved it (9005)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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