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Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

#21056009
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41225) - you deserved it (7239)

On 02/10/2014 at 1:42am - kids - by aarong (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

#21065125
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39814) - you deserved it (3350)

On 02/19/2014 at 12:12am - work - by Dsark (man) - United States (California)

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

#21062237
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39344) - you deserved it (18093)

On 02/16/2014 at 7:56am - money - by anon - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

#21095295
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40731) - you deserved it (7953)

On 03/24/2014 at 4:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36656) - you deserved it (2907)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

#21067749
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35322) - you deserved it (16482)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by Cuntface McGee (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

#21075644
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47210) - you deserved it (6685)

On 03/02/2014 at 3:44am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, a woman attempted to pickpocket me while trying to educate me about God. FML

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

#21080512
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39410) - you deserved it (3988)

On 03/07/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

#21102110
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44130) - you deserved it (5390)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland

Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

#21093699
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43169) - you deserved it (5606)

On 03/22/2014 at 6:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

#21100221
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42920) - you deserved it (3432)

On 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)



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