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Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2015 at 12:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

by MoxleyCrue / 08/17/2015 at 3:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2008 at 4:24am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

by noname / 12/29/2008 at 1:09am / Miscellaneous

Today, two days before my birthday, my parents drove three hours to visit me at school and take me out to lunch. I assumed that it was to celebrate my birthday. They told me they are getting divorced. FML

by Meh / 03/01/2009 at 6:27pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play-'95", I put the tape in, it begins to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than tv shows. FML

by 4gottenmemories / 04/07/2009 at 10:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

by AznKoreanGuy / 03/04/2009 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

by broke / 05/05/2009 at 12:07am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, my husband and I put our 9 month old twins to bed and went outside to enjoy a very rare few minutes with each other, a couple of beers, with a baby monitor. He shut the sliding glass door, and I watched the bar that locks it accidentally slide into locked position. All the other doors were locked. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2009 at 10:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

by SnowyConcussion / 12/23/2009 at 9:30am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I went down to my grandparents' house to spend some time with them. I was in the guest room when I noticed a box in the corner of the closet labelled "Crap". I opened up the box to see my Dad's John Elway Autographed Football in it. I got it for him for Christmas, it cost me $600. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 2:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2010 at 9:25am / United States (New York) / Intimacy