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Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38470) - you deserved it (2813)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, someone, and I still can't figure out who, switched my shampoo with mayonnaise. FML

#21249696
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38981) - you deserved it (3719)

On 09/01/2014 at 12:59pm - misc - by mayoshampoo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

#21256842
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48852) - you deserved it (6814)

On 09/12/2014 at 9:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

#21257417
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40465) - you deserved it (4425)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

#21260699
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33650) - you deserved it (5702)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm - misc - by immature - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

#21286701
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26371) - you deserved it (34514)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

#21300362
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25453) - you deserved it (5212)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by boo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

#21303629
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28553) - you deserved it (3272)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Studying is for crazy people. - United States (California)

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42891) - you deserved it (3036)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

#21339980
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37030) - you deserved it (5866)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:35am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

Today, my 15 year old sister asked which animal rice comes from. She believed every word when my mum told her it's harvested from tiny cows in Asia. FML

#21340484
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27832) - you deserved it (2269)

On 01/19/2015 at 7:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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