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Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

#20869383
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57946) - you deserved it (4144)

On 09/05/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by whatjusthappened - United States (Ohio)

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding, because she found out I had sex with another woman. Three years before we even met. FML

#20878703
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66623) - you deserved it (7202)

On 09/12/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by Crazy Crazy Crazy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

#20877518
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22672) - you deserved it (68129)

On 09/11/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by lyfisdyno - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML

#20902037
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21821) - you deserved it (38957)

On 09/30/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

#20895973
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35758) - you deserved it (3104)

On 09/25/2013 at 7:22pm - work - by Abcporn (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

#20903440
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60776) - you deserved it (14718)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Ggirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

#20889279
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43426) - you deserved it (9984)

On 09/20/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

#20896646
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35354) - you deserved it (2969)

On 09/26/2013 at 9:50am - health - by CancerFdMyLife (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I came home to find my parents wearing Santa hats and blasting Christmas music at full volume. So begins three months of hell. FML

#20898104
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39054) - you deserved it (4039)

On 09/27/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

#20921212
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47523) - you deserved it (4415)

On 10/15/2013 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

#20906772
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40480) - you deserved it (4597)

On 10/04/2013 at 1:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

#20925040
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39736) - you deserved it (3987)

On 10/18/2013 at 10:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

#20929399
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33344) - you deserved it (11245)

On 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm - health - by OutOfMyMind (man) - United States (Florida)



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