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Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34054) - you deserved it (18713)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

#21153372
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39836) - you deserved it (6994)

On 05/27/2014 at 1:04pm - health - by fuckmuppet (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

#21124599
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42242) - you deserved it (6672)

On 04/27/2014 at 7:01pm - kids - by nh-Amazon - United States (Texas)

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stayed away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling "DNA! DNA!" FML

#21153319
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46781) - you deserved it (3869)

On 05/27/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Laura (woman) - United States

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

#21142903
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39672) - you deserved it (6526)

On 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by her mom raised her (man) - Mexico

Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML

#21145130
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35436) - you deserved it (55270)

On 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm - love - by clueless - United States (California)

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

#21203542
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42532) - you deserved it (3387)

On 07/09/2014 at 12:24am - work - by HowAreYouAlive - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML

#21182903
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57087) - you deserved it (4384)

On 06/21/2014 at 8:50am - health - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

#21174627
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47480) - you deserved it (23570)

On 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my teenage daughter faked a suicide because I bought her a Samsung instead of an iPhone for her birthday. FML

#21198840
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55432) - you deserved it (11374)

On 07/04/2014 at 8:15pm - kids - by iphonerevolution - South Africa



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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