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Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

#21011731
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42883) - you deserved it (5174)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:57pm - love - by thisisavirus.exe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

#21001701
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50622) - you deserved it (3830)

On 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML

#21008243
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39001) - you deserved it (6791) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/28/2013 at 9:46am - misc - by Cacahuete (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

#21019101
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45704) - you deserved it (9278)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:20pm - love - by CatLady - United States (California)

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49201) - you deserved it (10059)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

#21035364
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53259) - you deserved it (5846)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:59pm - love - by FacebookStrikesAgain (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43027) - you deserved it (7077)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

#21060478
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26785) - you deserved it (32985)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

#21040445
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47117) - you deserved it (3634)

On 01/26/2014 at 8:08am - misc - by neighbor - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

#21046460
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55188) - you deserved it (11817)

On 01/31/2014 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by mylifesucks (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst getting out of the shower, I tripped on the lip of the siding, bruising my middle toe. I fell, and in doing so, squished my cat. She won't even make eye contact and keeps wheezing. I have a feeling she is plotting my death. FML



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