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Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

#5419998
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33488) - you deserved it (7734)

On 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by cchandler (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML

#5463799
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36267) - you deserved it (4977)

On 09/25/2009 at 9:09am - health - by boomstick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

#14994947
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26916) - you deserved it (2615)

On 02/15/2011 at 9:40pm - misc - by K (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

#4912143
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15157) - you deserved it (42775)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by deven (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

#6097881
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34407) - you deserved it (2106)

On 11/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I was talking to my fellow coworker about how nervous I was about sleeping with this guy I really liked. She's been constantly giving me advice about him for months, but today she said "Oh don't worry, he isn't that good in bed anyway." FML

#6293770
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20255) - you deserved it (2781)

On 11/13/2009 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by taurus05 (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

#6599042
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6790) - you deserved it (42869)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:33pm - love - by mainlaw (man) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, my mum got upset with me for getting my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

#7663968
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26689) - you deserved it (2821)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:49am - health - by mirrorfad - Sent from mobile version

Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML

#7847949
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24086) - you deserved it (2486)

On 02/03/2010 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

#10903172
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32575) - you deserved it (4719)

On 06/01/2010 at 5:49am - love - by staciedee - United States (California)

Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML

#9016591
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5488) - you deserved it (28477)

On 03/12/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by LXA429 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I realized I want school to start again so that I won't be sitting alone in my room all day anymore. FML

#14389923
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24976) - you deserved it (6652)

On 12/30/2010 at 12:48am - misc - by loneliness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only 4 hours to go until I get off. FML

#13950658
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24503) - you deserved it (2159)

On 11/23/2010 at 3:53pm - work - by Username -



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