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Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML

by Babs / 01/02/2014 at 8:17am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 11:32am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my husband that it's biologically impossible for cats and dogs to cross-breed, and that his "brilliant idea" of getting ours to mate is just plain disturbing. He still doesn't believe me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2014 at 2:51pm / Animals

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

by RIP_Nose / 04/03/2014 at 5:48pm / Germany (Bayern) / Work

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad "What's up?" He casually replied: "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 4:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend admitted than he's been using Febreze instead of showering for the past month. FML

by idonthaveauserna / 10/09/2014 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I wore what I thought was a hideous sweater from the thrift store for an ugly sweater contest. I've gotten more compliments on it than anything else I've ever worn. I can't even succeed at failure. FML

by anyoldnamewilldo / 12/11/2014 at 11:10am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2014 at 8:44am / United States (California) / Love

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

by FrustratedTutor / 02/03/2015 at 10:39pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

by Not Homeless / 03/05/2015 at 8:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

by mommylife / 04/15/2015 at 12:17am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm / United States (California) / Love