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Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I walked to the subway and when I went to step onto the train, I missed and my whole left leg got stuck in the gap. The train was delayed 10 minutes because of me. FML

by kraussy / 05/04/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, one of our store's beach balls came out of nowhere and whacked me in the back of my head. I started reaming out two young girls for playing in the store, even when they said it wasn't them. Soon after, one of my employees admitted that it was her. I made some 7 year olds cry and it wasn't them. FML

by Missa / 07/03/2009 at 11:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

by Annabelle / 07/05/2009 at 4:12pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

by partypooper / 07/28/2009 at 2:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2009 at 12:02am / United States (New York) / Holidays

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML

by SezzyJ / 10/02/2009 at 7:31am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my drivers license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

by haus / 01/19/2010 at 2:38pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML

by alex / 02/16/2010 at 11:43am / United States (Oklahoma) / Work

Today, I missed my shift at work. I had asked my girlfriend, who works at the same store, to text me my schedule. She sent me the wrong hours for today. I got suspended, and she broke up with me for being too irresponsible. FML

by irresponsible / 08/14/2010 at 4:41pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 12:06am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

by mook05 / 10/20/2010 at 10:04pm / United States / Love

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

by ktwithaq / 10/18/2010 at 7:27am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

by expassword / 12/16/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Oregon) / Love