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Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 7:43am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

by Crappy / 04/11/2015 at 8:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

by cricketsins / 05/14/2015 at 1:11am / United States / Animals

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go to the movies. She replies, "Sorry I have to do stuff with my parents" Her mum calls and by mistake my girlfriend pressed loud speaker, the first thing her mum said was "Be back at 11". FML

by English / 11/30/2008 at 10:25pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

by lovekills99 / 01/19/2009 at 12:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML

by fire0fisis / 02/03/2009 at 4:46pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Money

Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

by older / 06/10/2009 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I walked to the subway and when I went to step onto the train, I missed and my whole left leg got stuck in the gap. The train was delayed 10 minutes because of me. FML

by kraussy / 05/04/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

by Annabelle / 07/05/2009 at 4:12pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2009 at 12:02am / United States (New York) / Holidays

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

by diskdude13 / 10/14/2009 at 9:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML

by SezzyJ / 10/02/2009 at 7:31am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous