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Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47919) - you deserved it (3548)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

#21024776
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36068) - you deserved it (7669)

On 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by -_-" (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56282) - you deserved it (3758)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

#21042741
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37585) - you deserved it (13684)

On 01/28/2014 at 6:16am - misc - by ChickenBallsPlease (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39284) - you deserved it (8417)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23433) - you deserved it (46236)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

#21044260
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46504) - you deserved it (13887)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wrexham)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52595) - you deserved it (9411)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

#21054692
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40514) - you deserved it (3358)

On 02/08/2014 at 6:24pm - animals - by sciencesadness (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38605) - you deserved it (11766) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

#21064082
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51572) - you deserved it (4250)

On 02/18/2014 at 12:45am - love - by fiercehawk (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

#21074219
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37178) - you deserved it (16490)

On 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moskva)



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