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Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "the gecko ate my pen drive." FML

#21171341
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40904) - you deserved it (4438)

On 06/11/2014 at 8:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50073) - you deserved it (3686)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42307) - you deserved it (5023)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

#21287735
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32498) - you deserved it (3426)

On 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm - kids - by lexigan4 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43920) - you deserved it (6245)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

#21233355
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52068) - you deserved it (21268)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

#21268339
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43838) - you deserved it (4001)

On 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41001) - you deserved it (13632)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36441) - you deserved it (5260)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

#21262936
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37758) - you deserved it (4573)

On 09/22/2014 at 2:45am - health - by thebrokentardis (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

#21395572
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38855) - you deserved it (5033)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:01am - kids - by Anonymus (woman) - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51581) - you deserved it (4996)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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