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Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

by DrLight / 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

by khaoslife / 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser. Thinking it was a Valentine's gift, I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog died since I was away. FML

by Anne / 02/14/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtely pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status that I. FML

by yankeebelle / 03/05/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I was fired from my job at a local family-ran restaurant. The Reason? The owner's daughter has been stealing money from the register little by little and has blamed me for all the lost money. The boss is still convinced it's me, though, because his daughter would "never tell a lie". FML

by familydisaster / 08/05/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Rhode Island) / Money

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

by FirmlyInEngland / 09/17/2009 at 5:23am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love

Today, my boyfriend decided to be romantic and literally sweep me off my feet... directly into a door frame. Now my face is bruised, and the police officer at my school has asked me if I need to make a report about anything. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2009 at 8:54pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

by sleepy / 12/23/2009 at 12:05am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML

by Unfortunate / 12/27/2009 at 12:41am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

by Boob / 01/07/2010 at 11:36am / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

by brit / 02/11/2010 at 12:13am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

by ApparentlyEmo / 02/18/2010 at 1:06am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found garbage in my postbox. In amongst the garbage, I found a note saying ''This is all you ever will get. Stay away from me!'', from the girl I sent a love poem to the other day. FML

by mylifeisahell / 02/18/2010 at 10:01am / Norway (Vestfold) / Miscellaneous