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Today, I got into a fistfight with a complete idiot wearing a panda outfit. My face now looks like a real panda's. FML

#20916733
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30205) - you deserved it (15988)

On 10/11/2013 at 6:00pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got into a fight with my mother. Her idea of a birthday present to me is buying me a husband. Yes, buying. She told an asshat she found online about my trust fund, and now they're both trying to put together "the wedding of the millennium". She still doesn't understand why I'm mad. FML

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

#20954288
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34607) - you deserved it (3801)

On 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by queenxalee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

#20942539
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45100) - you deserved it (5167)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

#20951750
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62548) - you deserved it (4590)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:30pm - intimacy - by f (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, like every other day, my daughter thinks that degrading skinny people is very "non-conformist" and "edgy". This time, though, a slightly slim girl punched her in the face when she accused her of being anorexic. Now people think I gave my daughter her new black eye. FML

#20942627
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39483) - you deserved it (6257)

On 11/02/2013 at 2:46pm - kids - by curvster daughter (man) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

#20943458
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50224) - you deserved it (5227)

On 11/03/2013 at 4:57am - love - by Whatswrongwithme? (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

#20966535
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44447) - you deserved it (3331)

On 11/22/2013 at 1:20am - kids - by spooked (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

#21001267
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50040) - you deserved it (6928)

On 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by bleach bleach bleach (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

#20986378
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66341) - you deserved it (3592)

On 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm - health - by knee pain - United States

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

#20970124
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47444) - you deserved it (17201)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by sister sister - United States (New York)

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39286) - you deserved it (3802)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)



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