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Today, Burger King gave me a moldy bun. I noticed 1/5 of the way through the sandwich. My compensation for ingesting mold? A coupon for half-off a Whopper. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2010 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2010 at 7:07am / Sweden (Hallands Lan) / Work

Today, I brought my boyfriend of 2 weeks home to meet my mom and she started talking about how she really wants a lot of grand-kids. He called 2 hours later and broke up with me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I learned that standing next to a hobo doesn't make me look better in comparison, but instead just makes me seem like a hobo as well. FML

by 7rafe7 / 02/06/2011 at 2:37am / United States / Money

Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 5:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

by whytoday / 05/14/2011 at 2:50am / United States / Kids

Today, I had my first day of soccer tryouts. We began with a two mile run. Trying to be honest for once, I didn't lie about my time. Everyone else did. I thus got the worst score, and had to run it again. FML

by varsity soccer player / 08/19/2011 at 5:08pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

by GrossedOut / 01/11/2012 at 2:47am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2012 at 3:41pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

by atsukobo / 02/23/2012 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was warning a girl in my art class to be careful with a Stanley knife, as she had managed to cut her finger quite badly. Just as I said it, I sliced my finger open with a Stanley knife. FML

by insightful / 03/20/2012 at 12:33am / Australia / Health

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

by Emily / 09/20/2012 at 9:39pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, during lunch break at work, the bitter departmental rivalry blew out of control, when one of the glorified thugs from HR started a fistfight with my shift supervisor. I rushed in to break it up, but only succeeded in getting sucker-punched into next week. FML

by jfc519 / 08/12/2012 at 12:23pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.