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Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

#20879453
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39099) - you deserved it (6685)

On 09/13/2013 at 9:24am - misc - by NoorFML (woman) - United States

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

#20874059
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41447) - you deserved it (5282)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:42am - misc - by jessel_ladd92 (man) - United States

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

#20874883
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37529) - you deserved it (12044)

On 09/09/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

#20881087
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45193) - you deserved it (5132)

On 09/14/2013 at 3:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

#20883989
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45947) - you deserved it (3122)

On 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by I have wood (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML

#20883990
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63104) - you deserved it (2828)

On 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm - health - by somethingblue - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

#20900810
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33922) - you deserved it (4428)

On 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm - work - by Nice Melons (woman) - United States

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

#20888582
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47488) - you deserved it (10578)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could do was think about possible moves I could make in the level I'm stuck on. FML

#20890032
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22863) - you deserved it (45594)

On 09/21/2013 at 11:09am - intimacy - by CandyCrushAddict (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I sent a student to the dean for trying to smoke pot in my class. His mother called to complain that I publicly humiliated her son. FML

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

#20892589
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38051) - you deserved it (3040)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33909) - you deserved it (28932)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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