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Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46172) - you deserved it (17897)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

#21247589
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37512) - you deserved it (5020)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

#21257016
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35477) - you deserved it (2941)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

#21261267
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36986) - you deserved it (3460)

On 09/19/2014 at 1:58pm - misc - by TuT (woman) - France

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

#21272324
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50791) - you deserved it (4532)

On 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm - love - by whywouldyoudothat - United States (Arizona)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34493) - you deserved it (12338)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32309) - you deserved it (3038)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38050) - you deserved it (5957)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

#21321539
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35920) - you deserved it (4092)

On 12/21/2014 at 2:08pm - work - by anonix (man) - Canada

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

#21336619
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32758) - you deserved it (5255)

On 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, my mom paid me a surprise visit me at my university dorm. She ended up rifling through my stuff and started to pull out a box from on top of my wardrobe. Before I could stop her, it slipped and fell. Today's forecast: 100% chance of dildo rain. FML

#21338507
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31874) - you deserved it (4528)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

#21382179
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22426) - you deserved it (8755)

On 03/26/2015 at 11:28pm - misc - by comfort_ - United States (Georgia)



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