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Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

#21253313
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38922) - you deserved it (3418)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by healthfreak - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32153) - you deserved it (3556)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49248) - you deserved it (7790)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38776) - you deserved it (37683)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

#21239517
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42467) - you deserved it (13791)

On 08/17/2014 at 2:15am - kids - by you ripped them off ages ago (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

#21292947
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36394) - you deserved it (2407)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:12pm - misc - by Purple (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

#21302073
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36243) - you deserved it (3091)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I marked 600 emails in my gmail inbox as spam and it will take me hours to go through and unmark them. FML

#838
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4951) - you deserved it (22554)

On 01/01/2009 at 11:34pm - work - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

#2715
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18320) - you deserved it (4599)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by LDL - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple smirnoff, I puked up the Chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

#4209
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20033) - you deserved it (6960)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by helloworld92 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

#17489
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21404) - you deserved it (5101)

On 02/09/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by Bliss (man) - United States (Florida)



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