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Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 8:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

by little tooth / 11/06/2008 at 8:39am / Health

Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML

by God hates me / 01/25/2009 at 7:14pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

by shrimp41 / 05/14/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

by laf@me / 02/25/2009 at 2:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I found out I have hypersomnia, which is basically being constantly tired. I've been treated with depression for years because the symptoms are similar. I've failed out of college three times because of this. Now, I think I really am depressed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2009 at 1:03am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

by Bubba / 09/23/2009 at 4:48pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that 6 months ago I signed up for a 3 day trial for a porn website that turns into a $30 membership after 3 days. I completely forgot the day after and never viewed it. I've spent $180 so far. And I can't remember my password. FML

by GetMoney / 09/30/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Money

Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, "Oh, her? She's my sister." FML

by Blurry / 09/30/2009 at 3:30pm / Philippines (Batangas) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML

by crazygirl / 10/29/2009 at 2:42am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

by ClosetMishap / 11/10/2009 at 11:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 9:31am / Denmark (Kobenhavn) / Miscellaneous