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Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2009 at 7:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, the girl I love told me she was sick of guys. I replied that I happened to be a guy. She laughed and said "No, I mean the boyfriend type!" FML

by Marleck / 02/22/2009 at 2:16am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

by weliveanddie14 / 05/07/2009 at 4:27pm / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML

by Cheech / 06/29/2009 at 5:52pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I left something in my boss' office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

by superclutz / 07/06/2009 at 10:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

by zinka / 07/25/2009 at 6:17pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I found out I have hypersomnia, which is basically being constantly tired. I've been treated with depression for years because the symptoms are similar. I've failed out of college three times because of this. Now, I think I really am depressed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2009 at 1:03am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

by Bubba / 09/23/2009 at 4:48pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 9:31am / Denmark (Kobenhavn) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

by Darling_Cherry / 01/02/2010 at 4:22pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2010 at 12:22am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2010 at 10:41pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

by MisterBrown / 02/15/2010 at 2:08am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous