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Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

#21094549
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40608) - you deserved it (6112)

On 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm - misc - by butterbody - United Kingdom

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

#21109873
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52476) - you deserved it (5214)

On 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by freakedout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50607) - you deserved it (11440)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48559) - you deserved it (6512)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43583) - you deserved it (3529)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

#21130223
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45312) - you deserved it (4742)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:12am - misc - by Sam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

#21159292
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46779) - you deserved it (4834)

On 06/01/2014 at 12:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

#21169808
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46297) - you deserved it (14854)

On 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML

#21180887
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47051) - you deserved it (4920)

On 06/19/2014 at 5:05pm - love - by Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

#21253313
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40561) - you deserved it (3859)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by healthfreak - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33286) - you deserved it (3932)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I sped off down the road, then realized to my horror that my cat was clinging to the roof of the car. FML

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48219) - you deserved it (8099)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)



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