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Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

by Mkimmi / 02/12/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

by We're still popping them / 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father finally achieved his long-held goal. He has legally disowned me. FML

by _kyleG_ / 06/16/2015 at 1:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2015 at 2:56pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

by Boneo and Juliet / 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

by Anonymous / 08/07/2015 at 10:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

by MAC / 01/13/2009 at 4:47am / Work

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

by offended / 04/07/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was going to propose. Since he was really nervous, he decided to have a couple of drinks to loosen up. He ended up throwing up and passing out before he could get down on one knee. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2009 at 3:12pm / United States / Love

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

by Sweeney / 05/20/2009 at 1:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2009 at 7:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, the girl I love told me she was sick of guys. I replied that I happened to be a guy. She laughed and said "No, I mean the boyfriend type!" FML

by Marleck / 02/22/2009 at 2:16am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

by weliveanddie14 / 05/07/2009 at 4:27pm / United States (Texas) / Geek