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Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2014 at 7:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I saw my boyfriend wiping his nose with his hand and then using the snot to gel back his hair. FML

by danceinconverse / 09/23/2014 at 2:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

by skollasch / 09/25/2014 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

by badprofessor / 09/18/2014 at 9:44pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2014 at 2:36pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Geek

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

by We're still popping them / 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father finally achieved his long-held goal. He has legally disowned me. FML

by _kyleG_ / 06/16/2015 at 1:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

by Boneo and Juliet / 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

by Anonymous / 08/07/2015 at 10:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

by ana9 / 01/12/2009 at 10:56am / Miscellaneous

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

by MAC / 01/13/2009 at 4:47am / Work

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

by offended / 04/07/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was going to propose. Since he was really nervous, he decided to have a couple of drinks to loosen up. He ended up throwing up and passing out before he could get down on one knee. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2009 at 3:12pm / United States / Love