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Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

by kids next door / 11/18/2013 at 5:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, a customer threatened to come back later and shoot the whole place up. Why? I didn't give him a discount on his beer. My boss's reaction when I called the police: "Why didn't you give him the discount?!" Last week he bitched me out for letting a girl off for being a few cents short on hers. FML

by eat my fucking ass, boss / 12/06/2013 at 6:37pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my cat pissed all over my work clothes. They weren't even on the floor, she knocked the hanger down just so she could use them as a toilet. FML

by baxeh / 02/27/2014 at 5:42pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Animals

Today, I learned the hard way that when I ask a cute girl if she's artistic, it sounds like I'm asking her if she's autistic. FML

by Gibsonsgfreak21 / 03/25/2014 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

by Congrats to me / 05/24/2014 at 7:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my dog while hiking. After searching the trails for an hour and a half, he was by the car. FML

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

by skollasch / 09/25/2014 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

by badprofessor / 09/18/2014 at 9:44pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

by ThatNewCarSmell / 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

by Discipl / 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

by cuckolddreams / 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

by Mkimmi / 02/12/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy