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Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

#20975844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45382) - you deserved it (6453)

On 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by yulis (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

#20984084
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62385) - you deserved it (5157)

On 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by mystery - United States (North Dakota)

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

#20978895
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41144) - you deserved it (15493)

On 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47744) - you deserved it (8888)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46713) - you deserved it (4738)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

#20997867
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42220) - you deserved it (4331)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:48am - misc - by sammers27 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48006) - you deserved it (7499)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML

#21014374
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42216) - you deserved it (4531)

On 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

#21013681
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53090) - you deserved it (11409)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML

#21019082
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48708) - you deserved it (20205)

On 01/06/2014 at 1:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

#21022033
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26739) - you deserved it (34804)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45112) - you deserved it (16409)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

#21056743
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42831) - you deserved it (9030)

On 02/10/2014 at 10:16pm - animals - by alii2349 - Canada (Manitoba)



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