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Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

#20953867
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44873) - you deserved it (6904)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Thomas - United States (Virginia)

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

#20978895
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41114) - you deserved it (15489)

On 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

#20957769
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36673) - you deserved it (2677)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by AshlynnPrime - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

#20968767
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37784) - you deserved it (5816)

On 11/24/2013 at 7:30am - misc - by TetrisMaster - Australia

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

#20972130
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41621) - you deserved it (2662)

On 11/27/2013 at 2:08am - animals - by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

#20984084
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62329) - you deserved it (5157)

On 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by mystery - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

#20975844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45368) - you deserved it (6452)

On 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by yulis (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47695) - you deserved it (8885)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46697) - you deserved it (4737)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

#20997867
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42210) - you deserved it (4331)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:48am - misc - by sammers27 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML

#21019082
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48666) - you deserved it (20191)

On 01/06/2014 at 1:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML

#21014374
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42205) - you deserved it (4530)

On 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

#21013681
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53028) - you deserved it (11401)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)



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