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Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

#21341633
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35427) - you deserved it (11076)

On 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by cuckolddreams - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

#1986687
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19334) - you deserved it (46300)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Ricky (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

#2526710
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44938) - you deserved it (5178)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:05am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

#5814230
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17705) - you deserved it (33037)

On 10/13/2009 at 10:13am - intimacy - by awwshit (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

#4947813
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40311) - you deserved it (3590)

On 08/31/2009 at 3:37am - animals - by ahdeadcats - United States (California)

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

#5600521
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34557) - you deserved it (11090)

On 10/02/2009 at 4:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML

#5016488
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41818) - you deserved it (5606)

On 09/03/2009 at 6:19am - kids - by Annoymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

#5737045
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31377) - you deserved it (7105)

On 10/09/2009 at 8:29am - health - by StillDrowsy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML

#4486417
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43036) - you deserved it (4182)

On 08/12/2009 at 9:47pm - work - by Jobless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

#6468992
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29468) - you deserved it (3131)

On 11/26/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to look at my positive ebay feedback to feel loved. FML

#6491892
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34284) - you deserved it (6010)

On 11/28/2009 at 7:22am - love - by Anon. (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

#6917570
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8010) - you deserved it (45070)

On 12/24/2009 at 5:06am - health - by Ellowise (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I was on webcam for the first time with a guy I've been texting for a while. Trying to show off my guitar skills, I lean down to pick it up and fell on my face. FML

#11894871
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13836) - you deserved it (26888)

On 07/15/2010 at 5:17am - misc - by ditsy (woman) - United States (Florida)



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