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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML

#21389247
106 comments

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33415) - you deserved it (2089)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

#21407637
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30732) - you deserved it (4772)

On 05/10/2015 at 4:40am - love - by gassygirlfriend - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30846) - you deserved it (2699)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my father finally achieved his long-held goal. He has legally disowned me. FML

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

#331
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25029) - you deserved it (8361)

On 11/18/2008 at 11:54am - love - by zevil - Peru (Lima)

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

#1388
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16658) - you deserved it (5870)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:43pm - love - by Noname - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I made a Craigslist ad looking for hot and horny women that wanted some. I only got one reply, from another guy asking me if this kind of thing actually works. FML

#2475
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4905) - you deserved it (37353)

On 01/24/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Farva - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML

#2840
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30211) - you deserved it (4006)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:58pm - love - by fthis - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

#14095
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31401) - you deserved it (5634)

On 02/07/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by dinosaur (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

#21341633
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34300) - you deserved it (10687)

On 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by cuckolddreams - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

#1986687
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18870) - you deserved it (45595)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Ricky (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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