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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

#20979326
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43253) - you deserved it (8119)

On 12/03/2013 at 12:33pm - kids - by DocShadow (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

#20968767
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38222) - you deserved it (5869)

On 11/24/2013 at 7:30am - misc - by TetrisMaster - Australia

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

#20972130
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41768) - you deserved it (2674)

On 11/27/2013 at 2:08am - animals - by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

#20965814
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43525) - you deserved it (2923)

On 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm - animals - by thatsnotacat - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

#21008014
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41275) - you deserved it (4702)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:42am - love - by rokkstarrrVRV (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

#20990145
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41328) - you deserved it (3926)

On 12/12/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by lrn2spel, teach (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

#20997867
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42323) - you deserved it (4345)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:48am - misc - by sammers27 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

#21009159
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50552) - you deserved it (26258)

On 12/29/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by Jizzyface (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML

#21019082
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49092) - you deserved it (20311)

On 01/06/2014 at 1:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

#21013669
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46516) - you deserved it (7401)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Vincent - United States (Kansas)

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50034) - you deserved it (3944)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45939) - you deserved it (5191)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48464) - you deserved it (7547)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland



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