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Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML

by thatguy8878 / 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

by Nigel / 07/13/2015 at 5:15pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

by zevil / 11/18/2008 at 11:54am / Peru (Lima) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

by Noname / 01/16/2009 at 3:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML

by fthis / 01/27/2009 at 12:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

by dinosaur / 02/07/2009 at 10:06pm / United States (Washington) / Geek

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

by Ricky / 05/16/2009 at 5:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2009 at 1:40am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML

by Jobless / 08/12/2009 at 9:47pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

by ahdeadcats / 08/31/2009 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML

by Annoymous / 09/03/2009 at 6:19am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2009 at 4:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

by awwshit / 10/13/2009 at 10:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy