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Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50994) - you deserved it (7150)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

#21169808
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46220) - you deserved it (14827)

On 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I sped off down the road, then realized to my horror that my cat was clinging to the roof of the car. FML

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35722) - you deserved it (3573)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31392) - you deserved it (14433)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35458) - you deserved it (2181)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39235) - you deserved it (3396)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37593) - you deserved it (6750)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39807) - you deserved it (5621)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

#21277425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32943) - you deserved it (4455)

On 10/14/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by longdrive - United States (California)

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

#648
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19043) - you deserved it (4461)

On 01/01/2009 at 1:22am - misc - by Nick Nameous - United States (California)

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

#2030
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6098) - you deserved it (22694)

On 01/21/2009 at 9:23am - love - by Trash - Sent from mobile version



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