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Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

#21085066
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34463) - you deserved it (11747)

On 03/12/2014 at 6:23pm - work - by CurtisWogan (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

#21074219
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42275) - you deserved it (19719)

On 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moskva)

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62739) - you deserved it (8511)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43852) - you deserved it (6308)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44865) - you deserved it (33212)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

#21084613
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44322) - you deserved it (3052)

On 03/12/2014 at 2:39am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

#21100295
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41268) - you deserved it (17887)

On 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm - kids - by and not even in the good way (man) - United States

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46858) - you deserved it (6318)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

#21130223
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45202) - you deserved it (4736)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:12am - misc - by Sam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

#21190698
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51480) - you deserved it (6610)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50944) - you deserved it (7141)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

#21169808
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46199) - you deserved it (14823)

On 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Barbados (Saint Michael)



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  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

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