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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

#20912722
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45988) - you deserved it (7523)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML

#20933172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40778) - you deserved it (3193)

On 10/25/2013 at 2:48am - misc - by ThisIsAgony - United States (Nevada)

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

#20917903
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42480) - you deserved it (23977)

On 10/12/2013 at 6:03pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland (Borgarfjardarsysla)

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

#20922441
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41056) - you deserved it (5051)

On 10/16/2013 at 4:22am - work - by Elcam (man) - Belgium

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

#20925665
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43604) - you deserved it (4547) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/18/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by Huedadaa - France (Picardie)

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44261) - you deserved it (4970)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

#20933801
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41207) - you deserved it (3233)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:20pm - kids - by Jane M (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

#20950736
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44199) - you deserved it (2307)

On 11/08/2013 at 8:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

#20968871
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45053) - you deserved it (3507)

On 11/24/2013 at 11:01am - love - by fries - United States (New York)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

#20979326
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43237) - you deserved it (8114)

On 12/03/2013 at 12:33pm - kids - by DocShadow (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

#20968767
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38209) - you deserved it (5867)

On 11/24/2013 at 7:30am - misc - by TetrisMaster - Australia

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

#20972130
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41745) - you deserved it (2672)

On 11/27/2013 at 2:08am - animals - by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

#20975844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45529) - you deserved it (6474)

On 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by yulis (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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