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Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 12:27pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

by Jasmine / 10/10/2014 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

by Mkimmi / 02/12/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

by assholedad / 02/11/2015 at 4:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave my friend condoms since he didn't have any and he was planning on "getting lucky." Little did I know he was planning on "getting lucky" with my sister. FML

by Fred / 03/19/2015 at 9:06pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

by gassygirlfriend / 05/10/2015 at 4:40am / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

by almost_a_pro / 04/23/2015 at 9:43am / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML

by 5220 / 04/21/2009 at 9:13am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML

by KitKat270 / 05/27/2009 at 9:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I got an email from a local company looking to have a website made. I looked over their request and provided them with a reasonable offer. I got an email back stating that they would like to pay me with liquor instead of money. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2009 at 2:05am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML

by Jobless / 08/12/2009 at 9:47pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

by StillDrowsy / 10/09/2009 at 8:29am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2009 at 4:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Love