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Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

#20953867
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47194) - you deserved it (7208)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Thomas - United States (Virginia)

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

#20950736
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45765) - you deserved it (2425)

On 11/08/2013 at 8:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

#20968871
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45256) - you deserved it (3515)

On 11/24/2013 at 11:01am - love - by fries - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

#20972130
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42932) - you deserved it (2777)

On 11/27/2013 at 2:08am - animals - by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

#20967193
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60136) - you deserved it (5560)

On 11/22/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

#20975844
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47825) - you deserved it (6765)

On 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by yulis (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

#20990145
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41525) - you deserved it (3942)

On 12/12/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by lrn2spel, teach (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

#20993307
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45144) - you deserved it (6528)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:58am - animals - by Cat Piss - United States (Texas)

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

#20997867
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43735) - you deserved it (4491)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:48am - misc - by sammers27 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

#21009159
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50854) - you deserved it (26392)

On 12/29/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by Jizzyface (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

#21013669
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49485) - you deserved it (7801)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Vincent - United States (Kansas)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46155) - you deserved it (5205)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

#21022635
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52731) - you deserved it (4774)

On 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by ReallyMom - United States (Wisconsin)



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