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Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

#21049518
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55307) - you deserved it (6331)

On 02/03/2014 at 5:47pm - love - by well i'm fucked (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML

#21062639
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18994) - you deserved it (43986)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:44pm - kids - by lyss - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62581) - you deserved it (8500)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43499) - you deserved it (6246)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

#21067356
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46318) - you deserved it (3698)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Lipetsk)

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

#21074219
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42192) - you deserved it (19696)

On 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moskva)

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

#21084613
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44283) - you deserved it (3050)

On 03/12/2014 at 2:39am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

#21085066
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34438) - you deserved it (11735)

On 03/12/2014 at 6:23pm - work - by CurtisWogan (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

#21094549
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40494) - you deserved it (6097)

On 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm - misc - by butterbody - United Kingdom

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

#21130223
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45173) - you deserved it (4735)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:12am - misc - by Sam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46821) - you deserved it (6316)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

#21169808
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46174) - you deserved it (14811)

On 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Barbados (Saint Michael)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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