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Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

by mattrd / 10/08/2013 at 5:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom called to bestow upon me warm holiday pearls of wisdom: "I hope you aren't giving everyone your natural handmade eco-shit again. Gifts should be returnable. And have a price." FML

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

by meandme / 03/04/2014 at 5:55pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2014 at 11:26am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

by ThunderThighs / 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

by NoConfusion / 09/14/2014 at 8:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

by jgboy / 09/14/2014 at 11:32am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

by mr_cheese / 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2015 at 2:18am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when I began dozing off. I was then awoken by an explosive fart. It was me. FML

by Halcyon_Sancta / 01/19/2015 at 8:05am / United States (Nevada) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

by :O / 04/05/2015 at 6:19pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals