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Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

#17878442
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18131) - you deserved it (8116)

On 10/01/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by soapy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After working out the details and picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can't get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML

#19596569
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19401) - you deserved it (5286)

On 05/09/2012 at 7:03am - misc - by klynn267 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML

#20042763
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6672) - you deserved it (23945)

On 08/26/2012 at 2:27pm - animals - by g'day cunt (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my boss announced that instead of holiday bonuses being on the cards, the company is going under and we'll all be out of a job next year. FML

#18412841
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24425) - you deserved it (1840)

On 12/02/2011 at 4:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

#16835605
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29021) - you deserved it (3987)

On 06/24/2011 at 3:17pm - health - by Paul Williams - United States

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

#19482004
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20373) - you deserved it (1826)

On 04/17/2012 at 12:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

#19748438
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17172) - you deserved it (6596)

On 06/07/2012 at 3:47am - misc - by Sophie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, after working for over ten years at a dead-end factory line, I told my friends I was going to take some business courses and land myself a real job. All they've done since is laugh, mock me, and say that if Clinton couldn't fix the economy, I have no chance. FML

#18350562
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20438) - you deserved it (2557)

On 11/25/2011 at 8:37pm - work - by workworkwork - United States (Florida)

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

#19506511
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21715) - you deserved it (2591)

On 04/21/2012 at 3:26pm - kids - by Lorena - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

#17697581
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19341) - you deserved it (2665)

On 09/08/2011 at 4:47pm - health - by wilmerjean - United States

Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

#19494854
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8186) - you deserved it (20374)

On 04/19/2012 at 8:37am - health - by Burp (woman) - United States

Today, depressed about a recent break-up with my long-term boyfriend, I bought a book about moving on after a relationship ends. The cashier placed some standard promotional fliers in my bag during check-out. Once home, I pulled out the fliers. They were for a married couples retreat. FML

#19404981
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19473) - you deserved it (2513)

On 04/04/2012 at 1:43am - love - by heartsick (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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