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Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

by Aciliveth / 06/10/2010 at 12:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML

by gatorhead / 09/09/2010 at 2:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, for the first time ever, my boyfriend of one year told me he loved me. He was calling me by collect call from the county jail. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

by spiderchick23 / 02/09/2011 at 7:41pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

by cakehater / 08/21/2011 at 3:35am / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

by The captain / 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML

by lyssamarie316 / 09/30/2011 at 8:23pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML

by Doglover / 10/13/2011 at 11:55am / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Animals

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

by blabla / 10/28/2011 at 9:30am / Brazil / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working as a character at an amusement park. I was walking with another character and we went over to a baby girl. She smiled and laughed at my co-worker. When she saw me, she started screaming and crying. FML

by ssydneyy / 07/17/2012 at 3:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML

by rastamerican / 11/06/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

by CheddarJack89 / 12/01/2012 at 3:35am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

by badenoughflowers / 01/14/2013 at 10:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous