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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

#21192954
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43256) - you deserved it (6943)

On 06/29/2014 at 9:05pm - misc - by Unknown - United States

Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

#21336401
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35947) - you deserved it (4101)

On 01/13/2015 at 12:42pm - love - by Maiar (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

#21232320
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36935) - you deserved it (12926)

On 08/08/2014 at 3:40am - love - by alisaav (woman) - Thailand

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

#21310077
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34774) - you deserved it (4044)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

#21338935
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31060) - you deserved it (6456)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm - love - by wounded pride, intact cock (man) - United States

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

#21348955
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30847) - you deserved it (2738)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:26am - animals - by dogbreederssuck (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

#21371903
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38783) - you deserved it (4384)

On 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

#21450062
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26120) - you deserved it (2045)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

#3430173
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45228) - you deserved it (8838)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:37pm - money - by kbrider (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

#112568
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13014) - you deserved it (55246)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:41am - health - by kcd (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was walking down the street with my friend, one I walk down every day, and I saw a really cute guy nearby. I felt like I looked better than usual, so I turned my head to offer a smile, and walked right into a pole. The impact was strong enough to send me falling to the floor. FML

#847714
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19144) - you deserved it (45450)

On 04/07/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by laurisshnazzy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML

#3690110
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9900) - you deserved it (56580)

On 07/12/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by divineinstrument (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

#4231634
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43933) - you deserved it (6775)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by waiterrrrrrrrr (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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