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Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

by alisaav / 08/08/2014 at 3:40am / Thailand / Love

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

by wthiswrongwithmi / 10/22/2014 at 1:42am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my pads were not in fact "big band-aids" and that he should probably remove them from his legs. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2015 at 10:09am / United States / Kids

Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

by Maiar / 01/13/2015 at 12:42pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

by dogbreederssuck / 02/03/2015 at 10:26am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Animals

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm / Intimacy

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

by ppema / 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling in bed. After looking at me for a while he said, "you look better when I'm not wearing my contacts". FML

by klee / 02/08/2009 at 12:21am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was walking down the street with my friend, one I walk down every day, and I saw a really cute guy nearby. I felt like I looked better than usual, so I turned my head to offer a smile, and walked right into a pole. The impact was strong enough to send me falling to the floor. FML

by laurisshnazzy / 04/07/2009 at 1:10am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

by kbrider / 07/02/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML

by divineinstrument / 07/12/2009 at 10:46am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML

by special-ingredient / 08/01/2009 at 11:41pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous