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Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

by tigger2013 / 08/03/2013 at 12:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML

by Norvi / 09/14/2013 at 1:51am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

by bakingwomannnnnnnn / 11/20/2013 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2014 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

by mr1234 / 03/05/2014 at 4:37pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 12:43am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

by Violet / 04/04/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML

by fired / 05/13/2014 at 10:29am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

by wthiswrongwithmi / 10/22/2014 at 1:42am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

by Daughter of the year / 03/10/2015 at 8:19pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

by sexisntfun / 03/29/2015 at 10:13pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

by ppema / 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling in bed. After looking at me for a while he said, "you look better when I'm not wearing my contacts". FML

by klee / 02/08/2009 at 12:21am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love