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Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

by dogbreederssuck / 02/03/2015 at 10:26am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Animals

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

by jackskellington / 02/10/2015 at 11:34pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm / Intimacy

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

by afather / 06/14/2015 at 9:41am / United States (South Dakota) / Kids

Today, my ex-girlfriend told me that she can't live without me, but she has another boyfriend. FML

by steph / 10/31/2008 at 3:11am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to take me out somewhere special, so I called in sick for work. Turns out he had made reservations for the restaurant I worked at. FML

by seriously?! / 02/11/2009 at 11:51am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

by boo / 05/27/2009 at 2:15pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

by shaverguy / 06/15/2009 at 4:51am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

by kcd / 02/23/2009 at 9:41am / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she said that I would have forgotten anyway. FML

by Aisu / 05/08/2009 at 2:14pm / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my best friend out to dinner for my birthday. She gave me a gift after I paid the tab saying, "my mom thought you would like this - it was expensive." It was a lovely set of origami paper, which was the exact set I brought her as a souvenir from Japan. She was right, it was expensive. FML

by unappreciated / 06/24/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

by superjesse006 / 10/10/2009 at 3:23am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough Spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML

by Spanishredhead / 10/03/2009 at 6:31am / United States (Michigan) / Work