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Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49116) - you deserved it (9120)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML

#20995711
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36612) - you deserved it (3226)

On 12/17/2013 at 10:38am - health - by adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

#20993646
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44424) - you deserved it (2916)

On 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Croatia (Licko-Senjska)

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38555) - you deserved it (10745)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42888) - you deserved it (5307)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

#21022635
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50637) - you deserved it (4566)

On 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by ReallyMom - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52767) - you deserved it (5994)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

#21073837
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39330) - you deserved it (3516)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:06am - kids - by Ohgodmother (man) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

#21078902
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39933) - you deserved it (3008)

On 03/05/2014 at 4:37pm - work - by mr1234 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

#21074161
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47580) - you deserved it (14335)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45148) - you deserved it (33404)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

#21083945
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44604) - you deserved it (6101)

On 03/11/2014 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by littlefinger (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

#21094549
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40542) - you deserved it (6098)

On 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm - misc - by butterbody - United Kingdom



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