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Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

#20952633
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36852) - you deserved it (3375)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by fuck you, bitchcake (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37965) - you deserved it (5721)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

#20963410
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56858) - you deserved it (8661)

On 11/19/2013 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by oops999 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

#20970235
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42482) - you deserved it (12813)

On 11/25/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

#20967193
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59816) - you deserved it (5547)

On 11/22/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

#20984084
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64155) - you deserved it (5320)

On 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by mystery - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my boyfriend bought a onesie. He sleeps in it, goes out in it and won't take it off, not even for sex. FML

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

#20973574
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46030) - you deserved it (3803)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49111) - you deserved it (9119)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML

#20995711
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36606) - you deserved it (3226)

On 12/17/2013 at 10:38am - health - by adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

#20993646
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44422) - you deserved it (2914)

On 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Croatia (Licko-Senjska)

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38552) - you deserved it (10744)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42885) - you deserved it (5307)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)



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