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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57508) - you deserved it (3836)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38157) - you deserved it (5743)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

#20968575
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48139) - you deserved it (4330)

On 11/24/2013 at 12:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

#20973574
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48451) - you deserved it (4025)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

#21009563
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41516) - you deserved it (4231)

On 12/29/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by Kayak (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51245) - you deserved it (9391)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49043) - you deserved it (4987)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

#20993646
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45760) - you deserved it (3011)

On 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Croatia (Licko-Senjska)

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

#21014440
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38474) - you deserved it (16989)

On 01/02/2014 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39552) - you deserved it (11042)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

#21017728
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42355) - you deserved it (34397)

On 01/05/2014 at 11:16am - love - by give me an F - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50899) - you deserved it (7921)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

#21022453
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61051) - you deserved it (7343)

On 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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