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Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

by dsbass09 / 07/09/2011 at 1:59am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

by buggingout / 07/26/2011 at 6:33am / United States / Holidays

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

by j / 08/13/2011 at 11:56pm / United States / Health

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

by jwhizzle / 10/20/2011 at 7:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML

by BFH4Life / 11/30/2011 at 4:27am / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

by Urinal Fresh / 03/02/2012 at 5:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML

by TwiceDaily,Kids / 04/05/2012 at 8:41pm / United States / Health

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

by lexithepirate / 07/27/2012 at 5:24am / United States / Health

Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML

by sdd / 01/23/2013 at 10:44am / Switzerland (Bern) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

by thecatlady / 02/27/2013 at 2:12am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 8:47pm / Australia / Transportation

Today, I was approached by a What Not to Wear kind of show, where you get money to buy a new wardrobe. I was so excited that I fainted. They revoked the offer, reasoning that someone who faints so easily would be too much of a liability risk. FML

by SoClose / 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous