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Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

#20797604
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51592) - you deserved it (3907)

On 07/22/2013 at 1:47pm - work - by nowimbroketoo (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

#20792660
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43932) - you deserved it (14423)

On 07/19/2013 at 4:36pm - health - by "people these days" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my husband bought me a big box of tampons. He claims to know when my period is about to start before I do. Sadly, he's right. FML

#20812881
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47344) - you deserved it (7981)

On 07/31/2013 at 2:31am - love - by RayneWolf13 (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

#20849812
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39027) - you deserved it (2780)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:50pm - work - by Awkward - United States

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42243) - you deserved it (7598)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61269) - you deserved it (9118)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

#20833166
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48775) - you deserved it (5982)

On 08/12/2013 at 12:49am - love - by WTF? (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50412) - you deserved it (6795)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56110) - you deserved it (4915)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

#20829503
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36782) - you deserved it (3302)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

#20833743
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28301) - you deserved it (39542)

On 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm - work - by master baiter - United States (New York)

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

#20832105
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61284) - you deserved it (22330)

On 08/11/2013 at 11:35am - intimacy - by ass slap - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I broke into tears at work after being told my aunt had a stroke. My boss told me to "suck it up, no one is that close to their aunt." My aunt adopted me when my mother passed away. FML



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