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Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

by Sybil90 / 11/11/2009 at 8:03am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

by achoooo / 11/07/2009 at 12:34am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I couldn't trust her after cheating on me with 3 guys. Our friends are sad about it so they're throwing her a pity party. Now I'm single and I have no friends. FML

by whatthewhat? / 11/25/2009 at 2:57am / United States / Love

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

by lol / 12/06/2009 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire) / Health

Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML

by mcpeepants / 01/08/2010 at 12:56pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

by emergency / 01/25/2010 at 8:32am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

by bobby / 03/13/2010 at 10:17pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I told my father I registered for the Marines, and that I'm leaving for bootcamp next week. He asked if this means that he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. FML

by Widowmaker / 08/09/2010 at 12:03am / Miscellaneous

Today, someone broke into my car to steal $1.50. FML

by Brokeashell / 06/01/2010 at 2:47pm / United States / Money

Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 8:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 5:23pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

by strwbrry / 12/26/2010 at 9:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Love