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Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40106) - you deserved it (3457)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

#20922441
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38368) - you deserved it (4511)

On 10/16/2013 at 4:22am - work - by Elcam (man) - Belgium

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

#20936906
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41900) - you deserved it (18508)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by The greatest Illusion ever (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

#20946422
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37562) - you deserved it (8306)

On 11/05/2013 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by roughsexgonewrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42906) - you deserved it (11200)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

#20959504
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28313) - you deserved it (42856)

On 11/16/2013 at 5:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

#20968575
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43085) - you deserved it (3234)

On 11/24/2013 at 12:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

#20967193
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56685) - you deserved it (5215)

On 11/22/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36957) - you deserved it (5591)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

#21001530
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (3649)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm - kids - by bastard (woman) - United States

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47289) - you deserved it (8639)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39940) - you deserved it (4701)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)



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