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Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 8:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 5:23pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

by strwbrry / 12/26/2010 at 9:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

by haappynewyear / 12/31/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

by Anna / 06/18/2011 at 12:54pm / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Health

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

by dsbass09 / 07/09/2011 at 1:59am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

by j / 08/13/2011 at 11:56pm / United States / Health

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

by jwhizzle / 10/20/2011 at 7:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML

by BFH4Life / 11/30/2011 at 4:27am / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

by Urinal Fresh / 03/02/2012 at 5:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

by lexithepirate / 07/27/2012 at 5:24am / United States / Health

Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML

by sdd / 01/23/2013 at 10:44am / Switzerland (Bern) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals