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Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

#20912485
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54968) - you deserved it (5105)

On 10/08/2013 at 1:57pm - intimacy - by hubby - United States

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41347) - you deserved it (5069)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

#20915065
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48484) - you deserved it (16278)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:40am - intimacy - by DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina (Santa Fe)

Today, my mom made fun of me because I'm 16 and have never had a boyfriend, then bragged that at my age she was already pregnant with me. FML

#20918137
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56829) - you deserved it (3314)

On 10/12/2013 at 9:59pm - misc - by roundtherose - United States (Alaska)

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

#20936372
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52510) - you deserved it (9227)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - intimacy - by snowwhite (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57474) - you deserved it (3835)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

#20952633
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37016) - you deserved it (3388)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by fuck you, bitchcake (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38130) - you deserved it (5739)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

#20968575
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48112) - you deserved it (4325)

On 11/24/2013 at 12:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

#20973574
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47805) - you deserved it (3957)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

#21009563
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41141) - you deserved it (4192)

On 12/29/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by Kayak (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51206) - you deserved it (9386)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49010) - you deserved it (4983)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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