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Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

#21441553
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23277) - you deserved it (2616)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm - kids - by Andrew - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

#2777
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21954) - you deserved it (27193)

On 01/27/2009 at 6:22am - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I went for a really important job interview. She loved my portfolio and we got along really well. But I guess that a corner of my skirt got caught underneath my shoe when I stood up to shake her hand, exposing my teeny-tiny underwear and neglected bikini line. She didn't shake my hand back. FML

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

#1284162
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41783) - you deserved it (10243)

On 04/24/2009 at 5:37am - misc - by balancestrikesagain (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

#2336807
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41537) - you deserved it (5606)

On 05/27/2009 at 7:44am - misc - by GodDamnFan (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML

#80868
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38431) - you deserved it (5011)

On 02/19/2009 at 6:42pm - misc - by Kev (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

#695731
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56897) - you deserved it (6127)

On 03/30/2009 at 12:39am - work - by Blah (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I were watching TV. An info-mercial came on for a diamond cross necklace that had the lord's prayer engraved inside of it. As the commercial ended I said, "who in their right mind would actually buy that?" Turns out, my husband would, for our anniversary. FML

#804765
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48068) - you deserved it (23457)

On 04/04/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by ALLALA (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waiting for the train. It arrived, I got on and the woman behind me stepped on the back of my shoe. My shoe came flying off and landed in the gutter between the train and the platform. The doors closed, the train pulled away. FML

#1252077
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55869) - you deserved it (3066)

On 04/23/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by Kate (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

#4020289
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50517) - you deserved it (2990)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:21am - work - by hugs511 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

#4234116
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10154) - you deserved it (50336)

On 08/02/2009 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

#4808009
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11060) - you deserved it (65915)

On 08/25/2009 at 10:17am - love - by sickened (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I noticed my dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After shelling out $120 call-out fee, I was a little miffed when the technician walked in, pressed the 'unlock' function and walked out again. FML

#4594322
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9105) - you deserved it (51262)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:31am - misc - by veevee (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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