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Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

#21056453
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20208) - you deserved it (37937)

On 02/10/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

#21058436
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45046) - you deserved it (7024)

On 02/12/2014 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

#21073837
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39231) - you deserved it (3506)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:06am - kids - by Ohgodmother (man) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

#21078902
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39822) - you deserved it (2997)

On 03/05/2014 at 4:37pm - work - by mr1234 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

#21073034
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17233) - you deserved it (54753)

On 02/27/2014 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

#21099196
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44515) - you deserved it (3790)

On 03/29/2014 at 6:34am - work - by bringthemback (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43602) - you deserved it (3056)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45600) - you deserved it (5272)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

#21165186
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47040) - you deserved it (5437)

On 06/06/2014 at 5:26pm - health - by FMyBrain (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45870) - you deserved it (8289)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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