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Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

#21089223
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35890) - you deserved it (5206)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by Bandking (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

#21119972
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39165) - you deserved it (4996)

On 04/22/2014 at 2:59pm - kids - by wah wah "you raised him" (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

#21138924
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44733) - you deserved it (7826)

On 05/13/2014 at 6:37pm - money - by Harry (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

#21203678
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44057) - you deserved it (4024)

On 07/09/2014 at 3:26am - health - by Sun_Kissed18 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML

#21297627
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31436) - you deserved it (9002)

On 11/12/2014 at 11:00am - health - by juggalomurderer59 (man) - United States

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

#21358080
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31910) - you deserved it (9690)

On 02/17/2015 at 3:02pm - kids - by Clive81 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

#21389096
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31661) - you deserved it (2258)

On 04/07/2015 at 3:14am - animals - by cat.imakittycat. (woman) - New Zealand (Taranaki)

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

#21374265
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32256) - you deserved it (7690)

On 03/14/2015 at 4:22am - intimacy - by sa la vash (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

#21456323
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22584) - you deserved it (1647)

On 08/15/2015 at 11:47am - work - by bruised - United States (Florida)

Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

#699
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7838) - you deserved it (21427)

On 01/04/2009 at 5:15am - misc - by LadyJane - Sent from mobile version



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