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Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

by mrrichkid / 03/05/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, after finally getting up the nerve to take my motorcycle to up 75mph on the freeway, I made it off in one piece, only to fall off my bike in the mall parking lot. FML

by hatesgravity / 09/02/2010 at 7:40am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

by ugly me / 10/23/2010 at 8:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

by sos / 01/16/2011 at 10:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

by O.o / 02/20/2011 at 3:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I unclogged a toilet. With my hand. For the second time this week. FML

by handyjon / 02/28/2011 at 10:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2011 at 4:55pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

by buggingout / 07/26/2011 at 6:33am / United States / Holidays

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

by grossedout / 09/06/2011 at 1:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk because I couldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

by Jbs4lf / 12/26/2011 at 10:15pm / Belgium / Miscellaneous

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

by Alyssa / 03/31/2012 at 2:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML

by TwiceDaily,Kids / 04/05/2012 at 8:41pm / United States / Health

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2012 at 7:29am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love