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Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

#21074161
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47731) - you deserved it (14355)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

#21093947
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42036) - you deserved it (4726)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

#21100295
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41339) - you deserved it (17915)

On 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm - kids - by and not even in the good way (man) - United States

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

#21134321
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22255) - you deserved it (46220)

On 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by notbrowsingnow (man) - United States

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31444) - you deserved it (14462)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

#21223797
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40577) - you deserved it (14500)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by fatty magoo - United States (Washington)

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. 30 minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

#19566777
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28673) - you deserved it (3931)

On 05/03/2012 at 12:46am - misc - by savanna (woman) - United States

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

#2670
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17800) - you deserved it (5670)

On 01/26/2009 at 12:38pm - misc - by dangyo - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

#2946
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20475) - you deserved it (2403)

On 01/28/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by noneoftheabove - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

#43018
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31256) - you deserved it (2683)

On 02/14/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by NoValentine (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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