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Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

by O.o / 02/20/2011 at 3:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

by ewwgross / 05/20/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

by Megannn / 05/01/2012 at 7:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2012 at 6:21am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my mother's birthday. She received the ultimate gift from my brother, who told her he had just been accepted into medical school. I bought her scratch-offs. She won a dollar. FML

by bad son / 06/14/2012 at 1:42pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I went to Waffle House to talk to the manager about getting a job. My boyfriend now wants to beat up the manager for giving me his number so that I can call him whenever I'm done filling in the application. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 8:26pm / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

by tonedef / 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

by 1942ford / 07/22/2013 at 10:18pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 2:52am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 10:22am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML

by Anoymous / 09/18/2013 at 2:31pm / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Work

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 4:17am / United States / Miscellaneous