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Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

#20473717
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26879) - you deserved it (2157)

On 01/22/2013 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

#20501281
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26895) - you deserved it (2559)

On 02/10/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by obsequiousfannyflapper (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

#20517914
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28874) - you deserved it (3376)

On 02/22/2013 at 7:31pm - health - by arse of fire :( (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

#20508531
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25994) - you deserved it (4560)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Lara)

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38270) - you deserved it (9360)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML

#20517777
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28528) - you deserved it (10393)

On 02/22/2013 at 5:32pm - kids - by Great. (woman) - Brazil (Minas Gerais)

Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17-years old, and was deadly serious. FML

#20536217
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33706) - you deserved it (2850)

On 03/08/2013 at 8:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina (Distrito Federal)

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

#20524344
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35298) - you deserved it (5954)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

#20533458
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29325) - you deserved it (3648)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:19pm - work - by SlothyMolly - United States

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

#20545151
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32416) - you deserved it (2890)

On 03/15/2013 at 6:43pm - love - by forever single, I guess (man) - United States

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

#20538233
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44917) - you deserved it (4411)

On 03/10/2013 at 2:50pm - love - by ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall (woman) - Cyprus (Nicosia)

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

#20550300
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43288) - you deserved it (3277)

On 03/19/2013 at 12:40am - love - by lanz4949 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML

#20525434
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29601) - you deserved it (2205)

On 02/28/2013 at 6:57am - misc - by she sure has an arm. - United States (Massachusetts)



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