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Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

#20871927
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60781) - you deserved it (3693)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

#20880791
102 comments

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

#20886188
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35621) - you deserved it (10592)

On 09/18/2013 at 2:19am - health - by I get the hint -

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

#20888905
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53184) - you deserved it (5383)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by disappointed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

#20887524
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51093) - you deserved it (4963)

On 09/19/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by monkey (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, someone stole my card number and tried to use it. Every transaction got declined, not because the bank knew it was a fraudulent charge, but because I'm so poor that he couldn't make even a single purchase. FML

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

#20912578
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57552) - you deserved it (3288)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm - misc - by mathgenius - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16540) - you deserved it (109597)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51945) - you deserved it (7213)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

#20907559
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26622) - you deserved it (79447)

On 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40818) - you deserved it (5016)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56153) - you deserved it (3751)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46111) - you deserved it (12125)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)



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