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Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

#21416617
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37646) - you deserved it (3258)

On 05/27/2015 at 12:25pm - work - by UN4 (man) - United States

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31249) - you deserved it (11977)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

#3992
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7366) - you deserved it (85957)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:48am - love - by jeesh - United States (New York)

Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML

#5835840
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33385) - you deserved it (6469)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:47pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

#3498415
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46607) - you deserved it (2913)

On 07/05/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML

Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML

#2795641
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53256) - you deserved it (5356)

On 06/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by strawberrykiwi62 (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair looked awesome next to mine. She paused for a while and then said "Well you're pretty on the inside." FML

#55287
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35653) - you deserved it (8612)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by Dasani (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

#198130
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16947) - you deserved it (68055)

On 03/03/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

#226601
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48103) - you deserved it (8558)

On 03/06/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by sasd32 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I went to a club and my friends and I went up on the stage, then the security told me to get down and said the stage was only for girls. I'm 23. I'm a girl. FML

#676610
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63402) - you deserved it (6608)

On 03/29/2009 at 5:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML

#889359
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56060) - you deserved it (18628)

On 04/09/2009 at 5:51pm - kids - by Liz (woman) - United States (Florida)



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