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Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24421) - you deserved it (2754)
On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)
Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26005) - you deserved it (2556)
On 01/26/2013 at 12:53am - animals - by Ear Invasion - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7779) - you deserved it (25042)
On 01/24/2013 at 2:53pm - misc - by idiot (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27596) - you deserved it (4646)
On 01/28/2013 at 6:52am - love - by forever1990 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said "excuse me". The lady then maced me through the open window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21153) - you deserved it (2134)
On 02/05/2013 at 12:45pm - health - by maced face - United States
Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25871) - you deserved it (3249)
On 02/20/2013 at 5:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I figured I needed to clean my room. I ended up finding my $135 calculator that I'd accused my ex-boyfriend of selling for gas money. That's also the reason I dumped him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6522) - you deserved it (50927)
On 03/11/2013 at 2:56pm - money - by supertango500 (woman) - United States
Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22359) - you deserved it (2839)
On 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany
Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8582) - you deserved it (44588)
On 02/24/2013 at 10:41pm - misc - by Fox - United States
Today, I walked 6 miles to see my girlfriend. After 5 and a half miles, she broke up with me because I never visit her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29191) - you deserved it (2328)
On 02/22/2013 at 5:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19891) - you deserved it (4095)
On 02/16/2013 at 9:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, while at the nail salon, my boyfriend called. Since I was getting my nails done, I had to put him on speaker. The whole salon heard him break up with me. I can still hear their snickering in my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26258) - you deserved it (5160)
On 02/25/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by HeatherRosure18 - United States (Illinois)
Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25228) - you deserved it (2240)
On 02/26/2013 at 3:21am - health - by Brook (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 17 June 2013
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