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Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

by Username / 12/15/2010 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Money

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

by theyreallydosmell / 02/03/2011 at 7:59pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML

by PissedAtLife / 02/23/2011 at 3:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

by Chris / 04/03/2011 at 1:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2011 at 5:20am / Ireland (Cork) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

by ol faithful / 09/03/2011 at 5:24am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

by Rae / 05/04/2012 at 5:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had finally gotten my dogs to quiet down and my baby to fall asleep. Not thirty seconds later, my neighbor's car alarm went off. They aren't home for the weekend, and the damn alarm has now been blaring for three hours. FML

by shadow1248 / 05/27/2012 at 1:06am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML

by hating labels / 10/23/2012 at 4:21am / Australia / Kids

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

by motherless / 01/29/2013 at 10:18pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

by good husband / 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada / Animals

Today, I found out my boyfriend is bringing his friends on our trip. I'm now the third wheel on the romantic trip we've planned for a year. FML

by TheThirdWheel / 06/04/2013 at 3:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Holidays

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

by wildwonder808 / 08/12/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous