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Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

#14895762
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11940) - you deserved it (47963)

On 02/08/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

#14830455
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26042) - you deserved it (2927)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:59pm - misc - by theyreallydosmell -

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

#16926671
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29308) - you deserved it (4249)

On 06/30/2011 at 7:43pm - work - by FMarinasL (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML

#15916625
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30475) - you deserved it (4316)

On 04/25/2011 at 5:20am - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Cork)

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

#19573690
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (3185)

On 05/04/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by Rae - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother-in-law announced that she's going to be moving into the apartment next to us. Oh joy. FML

#17054303
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37931) - you deserved it (2890)

On 07/10/2011 at 3:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had finally gotten my dogs to quiet down and my baby to fall asleep. Not thirty seconds later, my neighbor's car alarm went off. They aren't home for the weekend, and the damn alarm has now been blaring for three hours. FML

#19686709
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25296) - you deserved it (1781)

On 05/27/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by shadow1248 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

#20485491
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29010) - you deserved it (2661)

On 01/29/2013 at 10:18pm - health - by motherless - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

#20570299
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20088) - you deserved it (43910)

On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

#20632607
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42049) - you deserved it (4436)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by good husband - Canada

Today, someone tried to steal my backpack from the hook on the bathroom stall. Good news: they were caught off-guard by how heavy it was and dropped it. Bad news: my foot is now broken from using it to cushion the backpack's fall. FML

Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "lil' yeast infection's sis". FML

#20935789
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36682) - you deserved it (2854)

On 10/27/2013 at 3:52pm - misc - by Dor51 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

#20944930
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17478) - you deserved it (69431)

On 11/04/2013 at 6:39am - misc - by Anonymous -



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