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Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

#21103818
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45175) - you deserved it (3601)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by kubbyp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43465) - you deserved it (4972)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42197) - you deserved it (3515)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41682) - you deserved it (8497)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

#21158688
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45987) - you deserved it (5111)

On 05/31/2014 at 9:53pm - animals - by disturbed - Ireland

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

#21158120
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44084) - you deserved it (8300)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up to my young niece hammering a metal cookie cutter into my leg. I'll have a teddy bear shaped scar for the rest of my life. FML

#21199181
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49084) - you deserved it (4644)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:40am - kids - by umerin - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

#21182978
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39615) - you deserved it (4755)

On 06/21/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. 30 minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

#19566777
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28427) - you deserved it (3902)

On 05/03/2012 at 12:46am - misc - by savanna (woman) - United States

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

#2670
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17552) - you deserved it (5628)

On 01/26/2009 at 12:38pm - misc - by dangyo - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

#2946
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20232) - you deserved it (2389)

On 01/28/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by noneoftheabove - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

#43018
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29692) - you deserved it (2519)

On 02/14/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by NoValentine (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on my first vacation in over two years, due to my hellish work schedule. The Governor essentially just vetoed my vacation with evacuation orders. Thanks, Hurricane Irene. FML

#17577670
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24617) - you deserved it (2447)

On 08/25/2011 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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