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Today, my mother-in-law announced that she's going to be moving into the apartment next to us. Oh joy. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got rear-ended while on my way to work. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't pregnant, suffering from a horrible UTI, and running a fever. My boss called in sick, so now I'm stuck running the office alone. With whiplash. FML

by ReallyNow / 09/01/2011 at 1:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

by Slowsky / 05/09/2012 at 6:19am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

by lonelygirl / 10/14/2012 at 8:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

by TheHarvardian / 10/25/2012 at 2:59am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

by Marco / 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML

by NotTheSoulMate / 09/26/2013 at 2:54am / United States / Love

Today, my husband got mad at me for not helping take out the groceries from the car. He yelled that I'm lazy, and that he regrets our marriage. I guess he forgot that the door handle on that side is broken and he had to let me out of the car. FML

by LetMeOut / 11/11/2013 at 1:02pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML

by LizGo / 11/17/2013 at 1:00am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

by Order of the Dangling Testicles / 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out that my favorite band logo is no longer being used by said band because of copyright issues. I have this logo tattooed on my body. FML

by Cult / 03/30/2014 at 10:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

by crazytown / 04/10/2014 at 11:50am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

by ethawesome1125 / 11/02/2014 at 7:11pm / United States (Texas) / Money