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Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

#21025897
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50340) - you deserved it (6332)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:00pm - health - by foreveralone - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

#21029770
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49134) - you deserved it (10515)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

#21061712
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42496) - you deserved it (5403)

On 02/15/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

#21093947
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39999) - you deserved it (4517)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

#21102946
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46103) - you deserved it (5188)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm - kids - by I Have Failed (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

#21103818
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43532) - you deserved it (3010)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by kubbyp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42438) - you deserved it (4574)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40890) - you deserved it (3069)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40682) - you deserved it (7965)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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