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Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2014 at 3:00pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML

by -_- / 06/13/2014 at 11:56pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:19am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2 minutes into it, he called me by the other woman's name. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 10:14pm / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML

Today, my boyfriend texted me, asking if I had left my underwear over at his place. No, no I didn't. They weren't mine. Awesome. FML

by Noname / 01/17/2009 at 8:31am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

by wsumt / 01/28/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

by jeesh / 01/31/2009 at 6:48am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

by fatface / 04/13/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I went shopping with my friend. The store was having a special where if you spend over $75 you receive a free T-shirt. I paid for my items and my total was over $75. The salesman didn't hand me a shirt so I asked him for one. He looks at me and says "I'm sorry, we only have Mediums." FML

by arrogantlondon / 04/16/2009 at 12:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML

by silly_billy / 06/11/2009 at 1:08am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous