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Today, I went to the allergist. I found out that I am allergic to dogs, cats, wool, fleece, and pet dander. I'm currently planning to go to school to become a veterinarian. FML

by KMack / 10/29/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, I found out the weekly coffee talks my husband was having with his ex-girlfriend stopped involving coffee about 2 years ago. FML

by Jane / 12/07/2009 at 5:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I asked my boyfriend advice on apartment hunting - as we were planning to move in with each other. He told me that there is no way he can afford to move out of his parents' house anytime soon. He can, however, afford a collection of belt-fed automatic nerf guns. FML

by expertdoubleex / 01/28/2010 at 1:21am / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

by spleechick / 01/27/2010 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

by nekkiddrunk / 01/13/2010 at 9:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 years got engaged to a woman I can't stand. I work as a waiter at a catering company, they hired the company and requested me as a server for their engagement party. FML

by Waiter / 07/04/2010 at 6:03am / Love

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

by runandmope / 07/28/2010 at 11:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2010 at 9:59pm / United States / Love

Today, I was excited to hear that I received three of my grad school recommendations in the mail from a very busy professor. They need to be submitted sealed, and of course, my nosy mom decided to open them. FML

by dcsunshine / 11/10/2010 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

by n0taplumber / 11/15/2010 at 10:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

by secret / 11/02/2010 at 3:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2011 at 1:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

by FMarinasL / 06/30/2011 at 7:43pm / United States (Arizona) / Work