Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

by sick / 09/30/2009 at 11:12am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

by Me / 10/05/2009 at 6:49am / Kuwait / Work

Today, I woke up very hung over after a big party last night. As I walked into my kitchen to make something to eat, I noticed a weird smell. Turns out my friend had thrown up in my freezer, and then turned off my whole fridge so "it wouldn't freeze and be hard for me to clean up in the morning." FML

by Pimp53X / 10/14/2009 at 9:16pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

by ohhhgross / 10/26/2009 at 2:32pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the allergist. I found out that I am allergic to dogs, cats, wool, fleece, and pet dander. I'm currently planning to go to school to become a veterinarian. FML

by KMack / 10/29/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, I asked my boyfriend advice on apartment hunting - as we were planning to move in with each other. He told me that there is no way he can afford to move out of his parents' house anytime soon. He can, however, afford a collection of belt-fed automatic nerf guns. FML

by expertdoubleex / 01/28/2010 at 1:21am / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

by spleechick / 01/27/2010 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

by nekkiddrunk / 01/13/2010 at 9:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 years got engaged to a woman I can't stand. I work as a waiter at a catering company, they hired the company and requested me as a server for their engagement party. FML

by Waiter / 07/04/2010 at 6:03am / Love

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

by runandmope / 07/28/2010 at 11:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2010 at 9:59pm / United States / Love

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

by n0taplumber / 11/15/2010 at 10:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

by secret / 11/02/2010 at 3:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love