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Today, I came back from vacation only to find my 16-year-old son was throwing a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. FML

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

#20817414
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43417) - you deserved it (3887)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:54pm - kids - by ulisha5 (woman) - Bulgaria (Burgas)

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

#20837392
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44617) - you deserved it (3644)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:13pm - kids - by sisterly love - United States (California)

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

#20854246
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33307) - you deserved it (2744)

On 08/25/2013 at 9:16pm - animals - by KatVanGogh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

#20840603
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50648) - you deserved it (5586)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

#20859438
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26064) - you deserved it (39317)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:16pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

#20866110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37351) - you deserved it (2349)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by D - United States (California)

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

#20867080
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35556) - you deserved it (6670)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:25am - misc - by my back hurts - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25861) - you deserved it (89940)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

#20871927
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59592) - you deserved it (3603)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50131) - you deserved it (5708)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49970) - you deserved it (33742)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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