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Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 10:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML

by greg76 / 12/06/2008 at 10:49pm / Transportation

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

by mimimi / 12/30/2008 at 1:24am / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

by wsumt / 01/28/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

by jeesh / 01/31/2009 at 6:48am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

by feenix89 / 02/09/2009 at 6:41pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I left my grandmother's burial to take a midterm. Earlier I e-mailed the professor to ask permission to take it later, and she flat out said "no." I left my grieving family, and traveled hours back to school. I went to class, only to discover that the prof decided to move the exam date. FML

by goodstudent / 06/20/2009 at 7:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

by silkworm / 06/24/2009 at 2:44am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the Polish border when I found my passport was gone. I contacted the last place I stayed at and the owner said he would handle it. I reluctantly agreed as I was being charged international rates. Apparently, "taking care of it" means telling the embassy I'm retarded. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 4:05am / Poland (Malopolskie) / Holidays

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

by scfead / 08/14/2009 at 6:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

by indecentcameraexposure / 09/05/2009 at 5:14pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 4:06pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous