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Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML

#20897003
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43241) - you deserved it (5862)

On 09/26/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by my gran is a cuntwaffle (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16567) - you deserved it (109866)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

#20907686
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39268) - you deserved it (5087) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/04/2013 at 7:00pm - animals - by iet_Wyrda (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44094) - you deserved it (4149)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50542) - you deserved it (5741)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

#20881873
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40035) - you deserved it (2684)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by sleeplessinrichmond - United States (New York)

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

#20886188
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36716) - you deserved it (10992)

On 09/18/2013 at 2:19am - health - by I get the hint -

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51158) - you deserved it (34370)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

#20898877
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38142) - you deserved it (4561)

On 09/28/2013 at 6:53am - misc - by blackcat37 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61788) - you deserved it (7243)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

#20909928
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50641) - you deserved it (3581)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm - love - by UHM (man) - United States

Today, someone stole my card number and tried to use it. Every transaction got declined, not because the bank knew it was a fraudulent charge, but because I'm so poor that he couldn't make even a single purchase. FML



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