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Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43637) - you deserved it (4986)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

#21118358
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43247) - you deserved it (5027)

On 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm - animals - by BetterThanChocolate (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

#21130670
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42999) - you deserved it (6136)

On 05/04/2014 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42572) - you deserved it (3545)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42145) - you deserved it (8566)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35080) - you deserved it (3322)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41257) - you deserved it (4339)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41604) - you deserved it (21402)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

#564
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7527) - you deserved it (19344)

On 12/21/2008 at 10:36am - money - by fleur_de_fevrier - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, my boss told me that we are having a big meeting tomorrow, with lots of important people. Before leaving the room he added "Please, tomorrow, try to dress better." FML

#884
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15477) - you deserved it (5262)

On 01/08/2009 at 10:38pm - work - by Nalya - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

#892
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19648) - you deserved it (2122)

On 01/09/2009 at 4:02am - misc - by Wex - Chile (Antofagasta)

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

#967
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13691) - you deserved it (7690)

On 01/11/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by jibjab - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

#4267
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19055) - you deserved it (3195)

On 01/31/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by lousy - United States (Alabama)



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