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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my fencing team took pictures for the yearbook. We were having individual pictures with our weapons, and it was my turn. When the photographer told me to pose, I tried to be super cool by quickly putting my sabre against my chest like some sort of soldier. I poked myself in the eye. FML

#14051291
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7052) - you deserved it (31857)

On 12/01/2010 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

#13810188
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25260) - you deserved it (2929)

On 11/12/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by me - United States

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a make-shift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

#13847901
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20306) - you deserved it (6426)

On 11/15/2010 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

#12481000
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8829) - you deserved it (41758)

On 08/12/2010 at 4:33pm - misc - by Jason (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML

#12736614
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10158) - you deserved it (39424)

On 08/25/2010 at 9:10am - misc - by Eyebrowsgone - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML

#11236853
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34302) - you deserved it (7483)

On 06/16/2010 at 7:32am - intimacy - by kitkat1603 (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

#12676840
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30177) - you deserved it (4900)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:17am - love - by arace15336 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

#15566439
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36023) - you deserved it (5793)

On 03/30/2011 at 9:10pm - love - by meohmy - United States (Texas)

Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

#14526378
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11820) - you deserved it (30489)

On 01/09/2011 at 10:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, just a few minutes after I got to work, my usually laconic boss came into my office and said, "Pack your stuff and get the f*ck out." Apparently, half my department was being downsized. Thinking it was an April Fool's, I burst out laughing and told him how funny the prank was. He wasn't kidding. FML

#15587830
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34135) - you deserved it (4353)

On 04/01/2011 at 10:19am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

#17977413
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24723) - you deserved it (13202)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML

#18924162
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36859) - you deserved it (2792)

On 01/27/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

#15493729
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27607) - you deserved it (6669)

On 03/26/2011 at 2:32am - misc - by Broderick (man) - United States (Texas)



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