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Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes she said with a sigh of relief "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

by mildver / 04/20/2009 at 12:51am / Costa Rica (San Jose) / Love

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

by overlandparkmommie / 05/14/2009 at 5:09pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML

by popemichael / 06/19/2009 at 6:48pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while deleting my ex-fiancée's account off my computer, I saved her pics. I found one of her with her now boyfriend in our bedroom. FML

by RDMdragoon / 07/13/2009 at 7:16am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

by MyLyfeSux / 09/25/2009 at 6:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

by jobless / 11/10/2009 at 2:16pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I told my girlfriend over MSN that we had to talk. I log on to facebook and the first thing I see is that she changed our relationship from "In a Relationship" to "It's Complicated." FML

by wtfrelationship / 10/21/2009 at 12:07am / Singapore / Love

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

by ohhhgross / 10/26/2009 at 2:32pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 9:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

by souped / 12/10/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

by katiekat / 01/05/2010 at 3:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

by sigh... / 06/25/2010 at 2:44am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

by arace15336 / 08/22/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Love