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Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

#21061712
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46302) - you deserved it (5918)

On 02/15/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

#21058436
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47542) - you deserved it (7365)

On 02/12/2014 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

#21073837
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39514) - you deserved it (3530)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:06am - kids - by Ohgodmother (man) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

#21073034
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18062) - you deserved it (57592)

On 02/27/2014 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

#21130670
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43150) - you deserved it (6159)

On 05/04/2014 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57752) - you deserved it (14427)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45775) - you deserved it (5211)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

#21122879
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33853) - you deserved it (13257)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42305) - you deserved it (8585)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

#21176688
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44193) - you deserved it (9954)

On 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

#21195046
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53138) - you deserved it (4547)

On 07/01/2014 at 1:31pm - love - by carebear1228 (woman) - United States (California)



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