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Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

by 12345678910 / 08/18/2013 at 2:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

by Ugly / 08/22/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "hon", "darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 5:36pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I found out the money my husband's been funneling from our bank account wasn't for drugs or gifts for another girl like I thought. It was for a guy he stupidly believed was a foreign diplomat, who supposedly needed to bribe officials in order to send us several million dollars. FML

by you fucking idiot / 12/19/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

by Seriously? / 01/06/2014 at 2:17am / Intimacy

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

by annesolmm / 03/27/2014 at 9:17pm / Love

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2014 at 1:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

by ughhhh / 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm / United States / Health

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

by idontevencareanymore / 05/23/2014 at 5:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

by whymyroomthough / 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

by infortunatename / 08/01/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

by jquaw / 09/28/2014 at 1:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love