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Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

by annesolmm / 03/27/2014 at 9:17pm / Love

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

by ughhhh / 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm / United States / Health

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

by idontevencareanymore / 05/23/2014 at 5:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

by whymyroomthough / 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

by infortunatename / 08/01/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

by stewardess / 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

by jquaw / 09/28/2014 at 1:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

by BoobiePain / 10/15/2014 at 10:33pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health

Today, I got in an argument with my teacher for always comparing me to my sister that she had a few years before. After I said, "I'm not my sister so please stop comparing me to her," she responded, "Of course you're not your sister, I actually like your sister." FML

by Not so much of a teachers pet / 10/22/2014 at 4:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2014 at 4:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

by Donutsarelife / 11/19/2014 at 10:09am / United States / Geek

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML

by Stressed Mother / 03/18/2015 at 5:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

by isaidfuckoff / 06/27/2015 at 2:29pm / United States / Love