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Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

#20563641
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37926) - you deserved it (4048)

On 03/28/2013 at 10:26am - work - by school issues - United States

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

#20586109
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38520) - you deserved it (3423)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32833) - you deserved it (4802)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

#20571411
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26960) - you deserved it (1365)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:34am - work - by ak_6694 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML

#20575595
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25343) - you deserved it (8093)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by NYmets456 - United States (New York)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had my first game ever as an ice hockey goalie. Our team didn't have a goalie helmet, so they gave me a regular one which didn't cover me completely. I was worried about it and told my coach, but he said I would be fine. I then took a puck to the throat that sent me to hospital. FML

#20574528
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34877) - you deserved it (3950)

On 04/04/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51845) - you deserved it (4034)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58870) - you deserved it (6759)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

#20613352
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43403) - you deserved it (4695)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by LesbianHonest (woman) - Canada

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45437) - you deserved it (9781)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

#20630309
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50470) - you deserved it (4420)

On 04/29/2013 at 1:07pm - love - by Good Luck Chuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

#20615717
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42440) - you deserved it (6287)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

#20653026
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45060) - you deserved it (5493)

On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States



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