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Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

#20859438
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25314) - you deserved it (38348)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:16pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

#20867080
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34437) - you deserved it (6482)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:25am - misc - by my back hurts - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49564) - you deserved it (5696)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21359) - you deserved it (82752)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

#20871927
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56395) - you deserved it (2994)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

#20939123
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42896) - you deserved it (7341)

On 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by goodgrief (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44616) - you deserved it (4278)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

#20881873
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37919) - you deserved it (2482)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by sleeplessinrichmond - United States (New York)

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44478) - you deserved it (29543)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

#20900665
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39966) - you deserved it (6698)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:21pm - misc - by noweddingforyou (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a stranger pulled me out of the path of a speeding taxicab. He then took one look at my face, said, "I should've left you there", and walked away. FML

#20900063
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42164) - you deserved it (3986)

On 09/29/2013 at 1:45am - misc - by -__-" - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

#20921768
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44765) - you deserved it (4456)

On 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm - misc - by secretsmakefriends (woman) - United States (Washington)



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