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Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53633) - you deserved it (13346)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43543) - you deserved it (4978)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

#21118358
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42538) - you deserved it (4936)

On 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm - animals - by BetterThanChocolate (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

#21130670
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42923) - you deserved it (6134)

On 05/04/2014 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

#21122879
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32101) - you deserved it (12543)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

#21122867
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49702) - you deserved it (9941)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:21pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

#21158688
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46632) - you deserved it (5185)

On 05/31/2014 at 9:53pm - animals - by disturbed - Ireland

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40996) - you deserved it (4036)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44590) - you deserved it (7540)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

#564
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7477) - you deserved it (19266)

On 12/21/2008 at 10:36am - money - by fleur_de_fevrier - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, my boss told me that we are having a big meeting tomorrow, with lots of important people. Before leaving the room he added "Please, tomorrow, try to dress better." FML

#884
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15413) - you deserved it (5241)

On 01/08/2009 at 10:38pm - work - by Nalya - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

#892
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19228) - you deserved it (2084)

On 01/09/2009 at 4:02am - misc - by Wex - Chile (Antofagasta)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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