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Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

by myboyfriendisweird / 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

by shoggoth_wild / 02/27/2015 at 9:13am / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, I found out just how much my dog likes ice-cream when she tackled a little girl at a park for hers. FML

by Darbstar101 / 04/08/2015 at 9:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

by PrettySureItsReal / 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2015 at 6:57am / Ukraine (Donets'ka Oblast') / Transportation

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

by noname / 01/04/2009 at 12:39am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

by HeadTrauma / 01/19/2009 at 11:23pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

by denied / 03/26/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (Delaware) / Love

Today, while at work at Wendy's, a lady came through the drive-thru with her kid. As I was handing them their order, her child points to me and exclaims "mommy, I thought you weren't supposed to work at places like this when you get older". FML

by Frosty / 04/06/2009 at 3:13am / United States (Georgia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes she said with a sigh of relief "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

by mildver / 04/20/2009 at 12:51am / Costa Rica (San Jose) / Love

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

by trgtyo / 05/18/2009 at 7:20pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

by jobless / 11/10/2009 at 2:16pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I realized that my virus protection program now has a virus. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2009 at 2:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous