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Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

by Oldhouse / 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

by Serire / 09/22/2014 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

by stewardess / 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

by BoobiePain / 10/15/2014 at 10:33pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

by myboyfriendisweird / 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

by D: / 02/19/2015 at 3:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Money

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

by shoggoth_wild / 02/27/2015 at 9:13am / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

by PrettySureItsReal / 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

by brittrus / 05/08/2015 at 9:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

by isaidfuckoff / 06/27/2015 at 2:29pm / United States / Love

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

by noname / 01/04/2009 at 12:39am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

by HeadTrauma / 01/19/2009 at 11:23pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

by denied / 03/26/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (Delaware) / Love