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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

#21216856
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43376) - you deserved it (5405)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm - misc - by Oldhouse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32568) - you deserved it (11713)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

#21390720
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35314) - you deserved it (2114)

On 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm - work - by PrettySureItsReal - United States (Missouri)

Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML

#21430717
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you deserved it (18090)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm - animals - by ej6901 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

#21359275
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41226) - you deserved it (3783)

On 02/19/2015 at 3:45pm - money - by D: - United States (Colorado)

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

#21406694
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32122) - you deserved it (3121)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:44am - misc - by brittrus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

#21364495
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34404) - you deserved it (3373)

On 02/27/2015 at 9:13am - love - by shoggoth_wild - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

#3200106
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36148) - you deserved it (7865)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by GoldenShower (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

#13304780
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29654) - you deserved it (7856)

On 10/03/2010 at 2:50pm - misc - by Kasnt - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

#720551
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53603) - you deserved it (15826)

On 03/31/2009 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

#3973992
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39863) - you deserved it (5500)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:45am - health - by SBT1030 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML

#5620277
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13858) - you deserved it (37807)

On 10/03/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Adalia (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I realized that my virus protection program now has a virus. FML

#5839185
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28357) - you deserved it (4934)

On 10/15/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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