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Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Health

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

by sirenmario / 01/19/2011 at 7:52pm / Work

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2011 at 10:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home after having traveled abroad for the last two months. Before I left, I'd asked my dad to take care of my fish, and he promised they'd be safe with him. I found them all decomposing. FML

by worstfatherever / 07/10/2011 at 4:54pm / United States / Animals

Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Geek

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2011 at 10:32am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a home at a bargain. It will need 5 grand in repairs to fix plumbing and electric, but it's mine. When I pulled up the listing to show pictures to my friends, there was a new listing that was in the same neighborhood, and a larger, nicer house that is move in ready. Same price. FML

by jenjam / 07/04/2012 at 8:50pm / Money

Today, someone sent my boss a CD full of documents for an upcoming trial. It's my job to sort through the evidence, so he gave it to me. I looked on the CD. There's only one file; a 1020-page PDF of all the documents we need, and the pages weren't scanned in order. FML

by fucked five ways to friday / 01/03/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to "stop sticking your butt out". My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

by embarassinggg / 02/06/2013 at 1:57pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 12:14pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, I politely asked a man to not sleep on a tram stop that I had to clean. He got up, and while I leaned forward to pick up some trash from the ground nearby, I felt a warm stream on my back. Now I can't get the smell of urine off my clothes. FML

by FUCK.THIS.JOB. / 07/08/2013 at 1:57am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Work

Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML

by cyn1cal99 / 07/18/2013 at 10:27pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.